On my route, I visit neighbourhood cats, sidestep underground sprinklers, avoid broken steps and manouver around overgrown shrubbery. I also pass by many houses that don't sub to the paper.
One such house is, while not, in my opinion the nicest, but definitely the most expensive house in the area. Though a bungalow, it has the air of a mansion about it, with the 3 car garage, immaculate masonry, water feature and no-maintenance, completely fenced front yard. It is on a double lot, and considering our lots are pretty much normally double in this area, even our own, that's a lot of frontage. The house itself is two, maybe even three times the size of the regular bungalows around here, and I can't even see how far back the house goes.
At the entry to the interlocking-brick driveway (complete with pretentious granite lions on pedestals on either side) is an ugly-ass brass plaque, the only brass in sight, completely alien to the grey theme on the rest the house. This plaque states simply, the surname of the homeowner, in ugly capital letters.
FETTIG
The house and its "we have more money than anyone else on the street" tastes I can handle, even the lions and the cast iron, spike-top "keep out" fence. It matches the foreboding castle-look of the place. The plaque is godawful.
It says to me, "I am Fettig, and this is my mighty home. All praise me, mighty Fettig!" If Fettig wasn't such a weak name, I might not have such an issue with it.
Every day I walk by this, and I consider that if I had a portable welder, I could visit it in the middle of the night and unscrew his letters and weld on my own carefully chosen selection, taking the art of public-sign-letter-rearrangement to a new, permanent level.
Which reminds me of my favourite, seen about a year, maybe two years ago, while driving by the under-renovation MacEwan South campus. The old letters that spelled "Grant MacEwan Community College" had been removed and left beside the building, with "Community" having been dropped a few years ago from the official title. On a drive by, I saw that they had been moved around on the ground to spell
Cat Meat gang
Whoever did it, I will always remember your work.
posted by Unknown @ 11:31 AM
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